My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
