You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
