I CAN MOONWALK!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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