i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
