her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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