Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
