How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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