Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize