Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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