Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
