dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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