so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
