Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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