I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
