Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Never joke about your clitoris.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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