i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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