I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
