Just cropdusted the office
Welp...herpes.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
