Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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