Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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