and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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