who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
