I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
