I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
