When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
