So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
