Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
