Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize