even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
