Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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