after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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