he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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