I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
As shirtless as possible
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
