"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
