I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
bring money and cleavage
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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