Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
