I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
