I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
