She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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