i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
