The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
