Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Randomize
