U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
