AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
