I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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