Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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