my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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