the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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