Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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