whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
