I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
