i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
