took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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