she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize