I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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