therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
