Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
