I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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