You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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