3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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