yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
