he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
