After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
