I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
