just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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