What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize