Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
