Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
