It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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