The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
