don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
