that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
