JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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