I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
